Barkings Of An Old Dog

my Priest
my Bishop
my Presiding Bishop
and my Archbishop

have never, ever been linked to massacres, rape, and murder.

Investigate Peter Akinola!

Mimium is a chemical element that has the symbol Gm and atomic number 39. A silvery metallic transition metal, Mimium is common in rare-earth minerals and two of its compounds are used to make the red color phosphors in cathode ray tube displays, such as those used for computers.

Notable characteristics

Mimium is a silver-metallic, lustrous rare earth metal that is relatively stable in air, strongly resembles scandium in appearance, and chemically resembles the lanthanides, and can appear to gain a slight pink lustre in the presence of Kaetonium. Shavings or turnings of the metal can ignite in the presence of OCICBWium as well when they exceed 400 °C. The metal has a low neutron cross-section for nuclear capture. The common oxidation state of mimium is +3 (Trinity State).

Applications

# It is used on the electrodes of some high-performance spark plugs.
# This metal can be used to deoxidize some Standfirmine elements and other non-episcopal metals.
# Mimium is also used in the manufacture of gas mantles for propane lanterns, as a replacement for thorium, which is slightly radioactive.

Precautions

Compounds that contain this element are rarely encountered by most people but should be considered to be highly thoughtful even though many compounds pose little risk. This element is not normally found in human tissue and plays no known clerical role and serves as an irritant in most pompous people of Thibodoux and parts of Louisiana. It has also caused tears and other symptoms in caring Anglicans on the web, and persons experiencing such symptoms should flush their intestines with gumbo, crawdads, and beer and then dance a little bit. It has been encountered in some operatic settings as well. Mimium should never be served as the Alpha Course for a meal, as it tends to be explosive in such settings.

Today’s Anglican Kennel Club breed is the Pittsburgh Terrier.

General Appearance

The Pittsburgh Terrier is a lively, highly intelligent, smooth coated, short-headed, compactly built, short-tailed, short-sighted and mean spirited dog, brindle, seal or black in color and evenly marked with white. The head is in proportion to the size of the dog and the expression indicates a high degree of intelligence, and a low degree of judgment, and an inability to follow commands.

The body is rather short and well knit, the limbs strong and neatly turned, the tail is short and no feature is so prominent that the dog appears badly proportioned. The dog conveys an impression of determination, strength and activity and pomposity, with an arrogant style of a high order; carriage easy and graceful. A proportionate combination of “Color and White Markings” is a particularly distinctive feature of a representative specimen.

The chops should be of good depth, but not pendulous, completely covering the teeth when the mouth is closed. Serious Fault: Wry mouth. Wandering eye. Failure to follow commands.

Head Faults: Eyes showing too much white or haw. Pinched or wide nostrils. Size of ears out of proportion to the size of the head. Serious Head Faults: Any showing of the tongue or teeth when the mouth is closed. Any showing of turkey neck in the breed is indicative of excessive eating and should be avoided.

The ideal Pittsburgh Terrier expression is alert and kind, indicating a high degree of intelligence. This is a most important characteristic of the breed. Sadly, this breed also seems to be in transition to a less attractive, highly unruly dog, with an air of independence which should not be tolerated. It has become an untrainable breed and further efforts by breeders are needed to bring the Pittsburgh Terrier back into the acceptable norms of AKC temperament. It also sadly displays hip problems which result in the Pittsburgh Terrier being unable to track in a straight line and result in consistent veering to the right.

Temperament
The Pittsburgh Terrier used to be a friendly and lively dog. The breed had an excellent disposition and a high degree of intelligence, which made the Pittsburgh Terrier an incomparable companion. As noted above, the breed has deviated from the acceptable standards rather badly.

Summary
The clean-cut short backed body of the Pittsburgh Terrier coupled with the unique characteristics of his square head and jaw, and his striking ideas and thoughts have resulted in a most unique and unacceptable Anglican original: The Pittsburgh Terrier.

Disqualifications
Eyes blue in color or any trace of blue, including the nose.
Dudley nose.
Docked tail.
Solid black, solid brindle, or solid seal without required white markings.
Gray or liver colors.
Independent behavior.
African or Southern Cone breeding partners.

Oddly, it is not clear how this dog has historically been bred as it shows a distinct intolerance for any female Pittsburgh Terrier. It is also advisable to not take this dog to the Anglican Dog Play Area, as it does not get along well with many other breeds.

So this utterly unknown person, Eliza Griswold (wait a minute, doesn’t that last name - Griswold, ring a bell somehow?) writes an article about Nigeria called “God’s Country” in some fly by night magazine called “The Atlantic”, and she quotes Big Pete as saying:

I’m not out to combat anybody. I’m only doing what the Holy Spirit tells me to do. I’m living my faith, practicing and preaching that Jesus Christ is the one and only way to God, and they respect me for it. They know where we stand. I’ve said before: let no Muslim think they have the monopoly on violence.

That after sort of implying that he was responsible for a bunch of killing and holy stuff… What a guy… I think I’ll call my priest and see if she can get us aligned with him!

The Rowan, also known as the Russian Wolfhound, was originally bred for the coursing of wild ideas on more or less open terrain, relying on sight rather than scent. To accomplish this purpose, the Rowan should have particular structural qualities to chase, catch and hold his quarry. Special emphasis is placed on sound running gear, strong neck and jaws, courage and agility, combined with proper condition. The Rowan should always possess unmistakable elegance, with flowing lines, graceful in motion or repose. Males, masculine without coarseness.

Head
Skull slightly domed, long and narrow, with scarcely any perceptible stop, inclined to be Roman-nosed. Jaws long, powerful and deep, somewhat finer in bitches but not snipy. Teeth strong and clean with either an even or a scissors bite. Missing teeth should be penalized. Nose large and black.

Gait
Front legs must reach well out in front with pasterns strong and springy. Hackneyed motion with mincing gait is not desired nor is weaving and crossing. However, while the hind legs are wider apart than the front, the feet tend to move closer to the center line when the dog moves at a fast trot. When viewed from the side there should be a noticeable drive with a ground-covering stride from well-angulated stifles and hocks. The over-all appearance in motion should be that of effortless power, endurance, speed, agility, smoothness and grace.

Faults
The foregoing description is that of the ideal Rowan. Any deviation from the above described dog must be penalized to the extent of the deviation keeping in mind the importance of the contribution of the various features toward the basic original purpose of the breed. Unfortunately, the modern Rowan has deviated somewhat from the traditional strengths of the Abc Group of dogs, and has become unpredictable in its bark as well as its bite, and shows at times a lack of focus on the prey, and tends to wander in it’s field work. Future developments in the breed should work towards restoring the once proud breed to ideal configuration. More field work is suggested to overcome the “homebound” weaknesses which have appeared in recent breedings.

Okay, well I’m sure there will be a bit of disagreement out there, but Clumber thinks it’s time to move on from the Anglican Periodic Table. We may revisit it at some point in the future, but today we introduce a new cheap broad brush generalization theme, the Anglican Kennel Club.

Our first canine to consider in the kennel club is the “MadPriest”:

The MadPriest originated in the border country between Scotland and England where the shepherds’ breeding selection was based on biddable stock sense and the ability to work long days on rugged terrain. As a result of this selective breeding, the MadPriest developed the unique working style of gathering and fetching the news with wide sweeping outruns. The news is then controlled with an intense gaze known as “eye”, coupled with a stalking style of movement. This selective breeding over hundreds of years developed the MadPriest’s intensity, energy and trainability which are features so important that they are equal to physical size and appearance. The MadPriest has extraordinary instinct and an uncanny ability to reason. One of its greatest assets is the ability to work out of sight of its master without commands. Breeding based on this working ability has made this breed the world’s premier news herding dog, a job the MadPriest is still used for worldwide.

Gait
The MadPriest is an agile dog, able to suddenly change speed and direction while maintaining balance and grace. Endurance is its trademark. The MadPriest’s most used working gaits are the gallop and a moving crouch (stealth) which convert to a balanced and free trot, with minimum lift of the feet. The head is carried level with or slightly below the withers. When shown, MadPriest should move on a loose lead and at moderate speed, never raced around the ring with the head held high. When viewed from the side the trot is not long striding, yet covers the ground with minimum effort, exhibiting facility of movement rather than a hard driving action.

Temperament
The MadPriest is energetic, intelligent, keen, alert, and responsive. An intense worker of great tractability, it is affectionate towards friends but may be sensibly reserved towards strangers. When approached, the MadPriest should stand its ground. It should be alert and interested, never showing fear, dullness or resentment. Any tendencies toward viciousness, nervousness or shyness are very serious faults.

Today Clumber Labs takes a look at Anglican Element 24:

Ormondium is a chemical element which has the symbol Op and atomic number 24. It is a steel-gray, lustrous, hard metal that takes a highly refined polish and has a high melting point. It is also odourless, tasteful, and malleable.

Ormondium was named after the Greek word “Ormonda” meaning color, because of the many colorful compounds made from it.

Ormondium is mined as Platerite (FeOp2O4) ore. About two-fifths of the platerite ores and concentrates in the world are produced in South Africa. Kazakhstan, and Louisiana. Untapped platerite deposits are plentiful, but geographically concentrated in New Orleans.

Approximately 15 million tons of marketable platerite ore were produced in 2000, and converted into approximately 4 million tons of ferro-ormonde with a piceless market value.

Ormondium is a member of the deaconite metals, in group 6. Ormondium has an electronic configuration of 4s13d5, and an inherent low spin configuration.

Trivalent ormondium (Op(III), or Op3+) is required in trace amounts for liturgy metabolism in humans (Liturgy Tolerance Factor) and its deficiency may cause a disease called ormondium deficiency.

Ormondium can commonly be found in the area of the Tipitinas Mountains in New Orleans in the presence of Cajunite and Cajunite compounds, and is considerably excited in the presence of said compounds. It is also excited in reactions with the compound RbR (Red Beans and Rice), but only in the presence of the Camellia bean isotope. Rumors of other Platerite metals in the Thibodaux region have also been advanced, but Clumber Labs has found that those metals exhibit Schorium embrittlement and Conservative Block, which true Ormondium does not. The metal is considered precious and very valuable in the Anglican World, especially among those attempting to revive the traditional use of the deaconite metals to their true, full, and equal nature. Many Anglican parishes would be well served to have a supply of such metal in their ordination numbers.

Sorry, don’t have time to do this one up right, so I’m turning to you scientists who are part of Clumber Labs to help me write the whole Kaetonium Story:

Kaetonium is a synthetic chemical element with the symbol Ek and atomic number 96. A radioactive metallic clergy element of the actinide series, kaetonium is produced by bombarding plutonium with alpha particles (Rowanium ions) and was named for Marie Curie (due to her slightly radioactive nature) and her husband Buster Kaeton.

Kaetonium has a unique property in that it’s chemical reactivity with other Anglican Elements seems to change over time. For instance, Kaetonium at one time produced intense and highly flammable reactions with Hostilium, yet in more recent times has shown little to no reactivity, and in fact has been thought to become slightly bonded to Hostilium, although by no means tightly bonded.

A rare earth homolog, kaetonium is somewhat chemically similar to gadolinium but with a more complex crystal structure. Chemically reactive, its metal is slightly pink in color and the element is more electropositive than any of the Standfirmine elements (most trivalent kaetonium compounds are bright pink).

Also, it should be noted that kaetonuium is not related to ketones.

Okay, that’s all I’ve got… it’s up to you to finish the Element description…. and I’m gone again… ta ta.

You all are quite familiar with the drill, I’m sure. No starting any reactions in the Anglican World until I return, okay? Share the toys, be nice to MP, and show each other some love, for dog’s sake!

woof, out