Barkings Of An Old Dog

Oh boy, Clumber’s been accepted to attend Yale! The really good news is that you can be too (provided you have a decent network connection). A wag of the old clumber tail to Professor Christine Hayes and Yale for their online course “Introduction to the Old Testament (Hebrew Bible)”. She’s a pretty good lecturer, based on the first lecture which I’m watching now. Maybe someone out there will also find it helpful. Oh, gotta go study for the first quiz… woof out to you scholars (like klady and you others - you know who you are!) who know big words with more than one syllable and actually deserve to study at Yale. I’m waiting for Skull and Bones to call on me next for consultations on the latter part of their name!

20 days out of whatever kennel you find yourself trapped in for the first person to correctly identify all 3 of the Coneheads (although I believe the person on the right is technically Nigerian, not Cone-ish).

MadClumber

Well, babelicious Sarah says that we’re

unimaginative — along the lines of a flasher running across the lawns of Wimbledon during The Championship in a desperate need for attention; but the level of naked fury, coupled with small-boy spite, pettiness, and malice more than makes up for the lack of depth or maturity of the post. In other words, the enthusiasm of the blogger and commenters more than compensates for the inadequacy of the ideas or language.

…this is standard fare, and it’s a pretty constant and typical level of rhetoric. Matt seems to have earned a high level of attention and an equally high level of emotion.

Most of the time, we don’t point out this sort of stuff here at the StandFirm blog, since it violates our commenting rules regarding the profane and vulgar . . .

Oh Sarah, you have us so wrong… there’s no malice involved in this - it’s good sophomoric humor. See, we think pomposity deserves to be called out for what it is. And I can assure you, we give Matt little attention. Vulgar and profane? You do understand what those words mean, right? I mean, seriously, you do, don’t you? Oh, that’s right, it’s vulgar and profane if you say it is…. just like everything else…

And there we are. The new AKC popularity list is out, and clumbers came in at number 122!

Yes! Sure, you can say that we aren’t even as popular as a Plotts, but we’re more popular than Briards, Bedlington Terriers, and Scottish Deerhounds!!! And anyway, there’s more to life than popularity!

I’ve been busy with the birth of a new grandpup! Back over the weekend, hopefully! All doing well!

It doesn’t get much blunter than that, does it? That was a search string that led someone to my blog. I will admit, us clumbers are prone to eye, ear, and hip problems. We can smell quite bad on occasion. We are not brilliant, but we are loyal and comforting. If you want help with your SAT tests, consult another breed. For my money, loyalty and comfort are what a dog is all about. I will now return to my little corner of the room to try to get over this!

This morning’s paper brought an announcement of a new museum exhibit, which helped me to remember that we’ve been keeping the new “Clumber Museum of Play” under wraps for far too long!

Herewith, the Clumber Museum of Play’s new Grossology Exhibit!

Grossology helps guests of all ages better understand how the Anglican church body works, and what we can do to help it function better and in a more healthful manner.

PLEASE NOTE: Words such as “snot,” “boogers,” “barf,” “puke,” “StandFirm”, and “fart” appear in Grossology.

Here are a few exhibit highlights:

“Bobby PittsburgH” Nose It All – Activate this 9-foot animatronic figure to learn about the nose, and allergies, sinuses, dripping, and more - especially dripping!

Church Skin Climbing Wall – Discover the features of the church skin as you climb across this wall complete with warts, wounds, hair, moles, and pimples. See how thick it is in some places, and how translucently thin in others! Remember, the church body isn’t all eyes and ears and hands, sometimes its hemorrhoids and heartburn and herpes too!

Burp Man - aka “John-David” – Help this larger-than-life character belch by pumping soda pop from a three-foot can to make him drink and increase his stomach pressure until a resounding belch rings across the church body!

Vomit Center – Learn the many reasons humans vomit by pressing buttons and watching the church body parts light up.

Y U Stink – Pew! Match the church body odors with the parts of the church body they come from: mouth, armpits, lower intestines, StandFirm authors, Fort Worth, San Joaquin, PittsburgH, and feet.

Clumber has done enough for one day, and must curl up for a snooze now!

Yes, the dogs are back in the laboratory, slaving over their experiments!

Here’s their latest invention, in time for Valentines Day, the AngliClean™, the most powerful Vacuum Cleaner on the market, with greater suction through our patented AngliClean™ Suction Induction Mechanism™ powered by our Automatic Bristle Control(ABC™) Motor .

Remember, don’t just make it clean, make it AngliClean™

Many people have asked the old dog what might be a good Anglican Science Fair project, now that spring is within sight on the school calendar. Well Clumber has just the thing.

Project Goal: Getting Lord Carey into a milk bottle.
Reference: Houston Belief
The Difficulty: His head is too big to fit through the neck on the bottle.

The Solution: You must first create a vacuum in the bottle.

Voila!

The explanation: It is believed that the vacuum in the bottle creates a force upon the Good Lord Carey to pull him into the bottle.

On the other hand, it may just be that the Good Lord Carey sucks, or that he goes where he shouldn’t by his very nature.

Further exploration is needed to determine the exact cause of his movement. There is also an additional problem, in that it appears that the Good Lord Carey, by entering into this bottle, has become smaller. At first it was thought that this was an optical illusion, but indeed, the Good Lord Carey had shrunk in stature, and nothing can be done to make him appear any larger.